Would you like a cup of Earl Grey?

No thanks, have you got some normal tea?

What is normal tea?

Normal tea is not Earl Grey. Or expensively Fairtraded.

I like that this Earl Grey is ethical.

From Kenya, which was colonised.

But not since ’63 – you think I should make some kind of tea reparation?

Sure, colonial reparations one tea bag at a time.

I have some cheap Scottish blend, is that normal enough?

That’s great.

Shall I make a pot or a cup?

A cup.

Do you like it strong or weak?

Strong and leave the tea bag in.


No thanks.

Almond, soya, oat?

I’ll have normal milk in my normal tea.

By normal milk I take it you mean cow’s milk?

That’s exactly what I mean.

I don’t have any cow’s milk but oat milk is the next best thing.

I’ll take it black.

So you don’t want the cow’s milk alternatives?

No I really don’t.

Ok, one black Scottish blend coming right up. What do you suppose is Scottish about it?

Blended specially for Scottish water.

Never knew Scotland had special water.

But you knew Kenya had ethical Earl Grey?

How’s your tea?






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