You’d read all about it before you went to the shop:
‘The Dress that stole summer’ – white with black spots
A 40 quid bargain, it’s been selling non-stop,
Yet somehow you missed this sartorial jackpot.
A movement of women, devotees of The Dress,
A sisterhood gathered together to bless
the transformative power The Dress does possess,
Of covering all sizes and shapes with success.
It’s cut is so generous, forgiving and kind,
You can wear it to work and no one will mind,
You can dye it (and shrink it) if you feel so inclined,
It unites all the ages, The Dress for our times!
With such a huge following, such glowing reviews,
You hope that The Dress will work wonders for you,
You try a few sizes, you pose, twirl and coo,
But The Dress fails to claim you as one of its crew.
The fabric is cheap, badly sewn at the waist,
In factories where workers make thousands in haste,
When you’re Hot 4 the Spot their labour’s erased,
By hashtags and sightings collectively embraced.
You and The Nightie. The Tent. The White Shroud.
The Dress that you feel makes you look a right dowd
is quickly returned. You weren’t really that wowed,
This time at least you’re not one of the crowd.