Coupled Conversations

when i look back

it was that sunday in the pub

when things really started to Change

we had been out to lunch

then stopped at our local for a sleepy afternoon pint

it was unseasonably warm

the pub was half-full

Coronavirus she said authoritatively

glancing at me for confirmation

conversations with her are a Battle for Coherence

an Unspoken Need

to Display Mastery of slippery vowels and imperfect tenses

to Harness Clarity

to be Analytically Precise

she speaks effortlessly

i always struggle

i was thinking is the Government Response ineffective

is ineffective really the word i mean

it is such an ineffective word so perhaps it is

i smiled at her anticipating her usual

Spit Out Your Bloody Point

Irritated Words but said with such

Kind Laughing Eyes

she is looking at me yes

but her eyes are vacant

disinterested

the opposite of her

smiling mouth

that is when i know

i am boring her

have bored her

am boring

it is a relief to be honest

it means i no longer need to pretend

that i always love her

that i am amazed she loves me

i do not need to carry on

Gushing

Fawning

making her Better

Wittier

More Dazzling than she actually is

now we can both be marvellously mediocre

together.

it had been coming on for a while

but that hot sunday afternoon in the pub

was when i finally stopped Pretending

we were seated at a tiny table

in the back garden

under a blossoming damson tree

the pub was nearly empty

Coronavirus i said

and i think she was in agreement

but i am never sure with her

i was watching her

fumble her words

basic words that always defeated her

thinking

how can this still be a problem

how can she wander lost in the english language

bemused by its intricacies

idiosyncrasies

its marvellous clarity and precision

how can her first language be such an alien land

it makes me irritable

short

i have turned it into a joke

as couples do

something funny

endearing

Spit Out Your Bloody Point

only it is no longer funny

it is tiring

i am tired

can she not see how tired i am

perhaps i should just say

Please Stop

stop trying so Fucking Hard

stop with the Gushing

 Fawning

stop Trying to Make Me someone i am not

stop Trying to Prove whatever about Us

please

let us be boringly mediocre

together.